If You Ask, “How Are You?” He Prepared For The Answer

Asking how somebody is feeling is a universal greeting. It is asked countless times daily. The interesting thing about this question is that it does not always get honest answers. People quickly say ‘fine’ or ‘OK’ even when they are not. The response depends on their relationship, the context of the conversation, and cultural norms.

          Imagine if people actually answered this question thoroughly and in great detail instead of giving a quick response. It would prolong conversations for extended periods, and we would overshare personal information with strangers such as cashiers, coworkers, and acquaintances.

          Sometimes, we may get more than expected when we ask how others are doing.

Elmo Got An Earful

          In January 2024, the popular Sesame Street character, Elmo, posted on X, formally known as Twitter, “Elmo is just checking in. How is everyone doing?’ Elmo’s tweet on X alone racked up 200 million views and tens of thousands of responses.

          Ready or not, Elmo found out, and many answers were not good. At all.

          CNN concluded, “The responses to Elmo’s innocuous question should be etched into stone so future generations can know exactly how we felt in 2024.”

          While many responses were positive or neutral, many were dark and downright scary replies. Some sample responses included:

“Every morning, I cannot wait to go back to sleep. Every Monday, I cannot wait for Friday to come. Every single day and every single week for life”’

“Honestly, Elmo, I need a hug.”

“I shouldn’t have rushed wanting to be an adult. I need a break, big guy.”

“Elmo, I’m depressed and broke.”

“I’m at my lowest. Thanks for asking.’’

“Elmo, I’ve got to level with you, baby. We are fighting for our lives.’

Actress Rachel Zegler wrote, “Resisting the urge to tell Elmo that I am kinda sad.”

Singer, rapper, and producer T-Pain posted, “I’m just looking for somebody to talk to and show me some love if you know what I mean.”

In many other replies, followers described feeling lonely, having a sense of “existential dread,” and feeling like they are just “hanging on.” People shared relationship problems, a sense of general angst, feeling unsure how to repair things, and feeling disconnected from others. This was described as ‘trauma dumping.’

          In response to this outpouring of unhappiness, a few days later, Elmo tweeted, “Wow! Elmo is glad he asked! Elmo learned that it is important to ask a friend how they are doing. Elmo will check in again soon, friends! Elmo loves you.”

In many cases, those who commented on these negative tweets shared positive messages and practical advice, encouraging people struggling to keep sharing and working to improve things. They are words we all need to say and messages we need to hear. In one short message, Elmo reminded us to make time for each other and listen.

          Even President Biden responded to Elmo’s second post by tweeting, “I know how hard it is some days to sweep the clouds away and get to sunnier days. Our friend Elmo is right: We have to be there for each other, offer our help to a neighbor in need, and, above all else, ask for help when we need it. Even though it is hard, you are never alone.”

A Tsunami Of Unhappiness

          Elmo’s well-meaning tweet to check in with his fans unleashed a plethora of comments marked by sadness and hopelessness. The question asked is, “why

          In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek H. Murphy, issued an advisory on what he called an “epidemic of loneliness and isolation” in the U.S. In recent years, 50% of adults reported feeling lonely and disconnected, and this was before the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic.

          Among the findings cited are;

·         People who reported using social media for more than two hours a day had about double the odds of reporting increased perceptions of social isolation compared to those who used social media for less than 30 minutes daily.

·         Data across 148 studies, with an average of 7.5 years of follow-up, suggest that social connection increases the odds of survival by 50%. If you have friends, you live longer.

·        The effects of isolation and loneliness on mortality are comparable and can be more significant than other risk factors, including smoking, alcohol consumption, physical inactivity, high blood pressure, body mass index, cholesterol levels, air pollution, and clinical interventions (e.g., flu vaccine, high blood pressure medication, rehabilitation).

·        Lacking social connection is as dangerous as smoking up to 15 cigarettes per day, drinking six alcoholic beverages per day, a lack of physical activity, obesity, and air pollution.

·        The loneliness rate among young adults increased every year between 1976 and 2019.

Rates of anxiety and depression have skyrocketed, especially among young people. The CDC reports that 20% of young people between the ages of 3-17 have a diagnosable mental health condition.

Taking Elmo’s Advice

          Elmo gave excellent advice when he tweeted that we must ask for help when necessary. This does not necessarily mean accessing mental health resources, but start by talking to a friend if you can.

          After Elmo’s initial post, an interesting thing happened. Many began posting that they were thankful for Elmo, illustrating the value of connection to others and being emotionally available when our friends need it.

          For some, having a sit-down conversation on emotionally loaded topics can be daunting. Try to have a secondary activity, such as cooking together or playing a game simultaneously. This may help the burdened party pace themselves in how much they want to reveal.

Also, listen to others if they seek support from us. Do not focus on your concerns while trying to fully tune into the other person.

If you are the one in need of support, be brave. Getting your nerve up to reach out and share is often the most challenging part of the process. If the roles were reversed and a friend came to you for support, you would not want them to be scared. Imagine your friend or partner feeling the same way about you as you share.

After the initial deluge of negativity, the official Sesame Street Twitter Account tweeted, “Mental Health is health,” along with a link for resources for people to access, including activities that parents could do with their kids to encourage them to talk about their emotions. Hopefully, this could ignite a more open dialogue about mental health.

After Elmo posted his second tweet advising people to talk to each other, the rapper T Pain posted a follow-up tweet: “That is love, pull up any time, bro. Check on your people, brother.”

Good advice, indeed!