“From Clueless to Crushing It: A Skillful Take on Resolutions”

A new year is upon us. For many, it is an opportunity to start over, correct past wrongs, eliminate or change bad habits, or set positive goals for the upcoming twelve months. It is thought of as a time of new beginnings.

          However, our good intentions are not always enough to make expectations a reality. Studies report that approximately 40% of people make New Year’s resolutions, with only 16% keeping all the resolutions they make. Another 44% partially keep some of their resolutions. 

What Gets In Our Way Of Keeping Resolutions

          Psychologists have identified several factors that prevent us from meeting our goals, especially in attempting to fulfill resolutions that encompass developing behaviors that promote good health. These may include:

·         Setting unrealistic goals that are too ambitious or vague can make them unattainable, which will frustrate us. Nonspecific goals, such as “eat healthily” or “save money,” are too broad and prevent us from measuring progress or knowing where to start. 

·          A lack of a plan for implementing goals is like going to a new place without a roadmap. Attaining our resolutions requires us to have a concrete action plan. 

·          Overreliance on willpower is not realistic. While it may lead to short-term wins, our motivation to maintain them gradually wanes. How many of us vow not to eat high-fat foods only to give in to temptation? 

·          Lack of immediate results makes us impatient and want to quit early on. Many resolutions require time and consistency to get the results we want.

 ·          Not addressing underlying issues. Some habits we may want to change, such as smoking or overeating, may have emotional or psychological triggers. If these are not addressed, the chances of failure can increase. 

·          Trying to do too much at once by overloading ourselves with too many resolutions will produce feelings of being overwhelmed and prevent us from clearly focusing on what we need to do.  

·          No accountability or support system makes it easier for resolutions to slide. Having a partner to go to the gym and work out with you helps ensure compliance with the behaviors necessary to attain the resolution than doing it on our own.  

·         All-or-nothing thinking promotes perfectionism, which derails progress. Expecting too much of ourselves will amplify our reaction if we fall short or fail, increasing the odds of abandoning the goal entirely. 

·          If a resolution does not resonate with you or feel meaningful, it will be harder to stay committed to achieving it. A resolution has to be tied to personal values to be effective.

A Different Approach

          Rather than viewing unhealthy behaviors as things to avoid, it can be more effective to view resolutions as learning new healthy skills and considering how to become competent. In other words, learning new habits is a gradual process.

          For instance, if you want to learn how to meditate, it is not helpful to believe that you will never experience stress again because you are setting yourself up for disappointment when it inevitably happens

          Rather than focus on what you will not experience, emphasize what you will do to understand what it means to learn how to meditate. This helps us learn any new skill. A model of how to do this is as follows:

Four Stages Of Competency

          Psychologist Thomas Gordon and his colleagues examined how people can effectively modify their behavior by focusing on specific changes we want to make and gradually developing it into a skill we can easily incorporate into our lives.

          Gordon and his associates outline this process in their Four Stages Of Competence Model.

Stage one is called unconscious incompetence. This means we do not know that we do not know something. We are unaware of a specific skill and have no idea how to do it correctly.

          Stage two is conscious incompetence, in which we know what we do not know. We know how poor we are at the skill and how much we need to learn to be competent.

          Stage three is called conscious competence. In this stage, we begin to try out the skills we want to learn. We begin to experiment with it and repeatedly practice it. At this stage, we know how to do the behavior we want to learn correctly; however, we must work diligently.

          Stage four is called unconscious competence. At this stage, we have repeatedly practiced and used the new skill. Over time, we get to the point where the skill becomes easier or possibly even natural and feels like second nature to us.

Applying The Model To Setting Attainable New Years Resolutions

          The advantage of this model is that it presumes that learning a new skill or behavior is a gradual task. All-or-nothing thinking is absent. We do not put pressure on ourselves to be perfect at it immediately. It recognizes that learning can be a process of trial and error. We do not expect the outcome to be effortless.

          For example, we may want to resolve to begin a mediation practice in the new year. The Four Stages of the Competency Model would provide us with the following framework to achieve that goal.

Stage One: Unconscious Incompetence: You do not yet recognize the benefits or know how to meditate. For example, in this stage, you overhear someone talking about meditation and decide to Google it, or you might attend a free meditation workshop to check it out. In this stage, you start at square one.

Stage Two: Conscious Incompetence: You start learning, realize it is challenging, and may become discouraged. Some strategies you can utilize at this stage include starting small by setting a timer for 2 minutes and focusing on your breath. Alternatively, you can try guided meditations on apps or keep a journal of your meditation attempts, noting challenges like distraction or impatience.

Stage Three: Conscious Competence: With practice, you can meditate but still need to focus. Methods you can try at this stage include building a routine, such as setting a daily reminder to meditate at the same time each day. You can also expand your practice by gradually increasing meditation time from 5 to 15 minutes or joining a meditation group for feedback and encouragement.

Stage Four: Unconscious Competence: Meditation becomes second nature and is done effortlessly. You get its benefits without much thought. You now begin automatically integrating meditation into your daily routine. You may also use mindfulness techniques spontaneously during stressful moments or share your knowledge by teaching others about meditation, reinforcing your practice.

          This perspective can be applied to various skills and behaviors we may want to learn, such as playing tennis, exercising regularly, or even becoming a vegetarian.

A Final Word

          Learning about this model demonstrates that our mindset or set of assumptions about setting and keeping New Year’s resolutions is a key component of how successful we will become. Do not expect too much from yourself immediately, and embrace any challenges you encounter, as this is the best way to learn.

          Wayne Dyer, a well-known motivational speaker, author, and mental health counselor, recognized this when he wrote,

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”